A botched delivery

0 work  |   May 7, 2015  |     767

Almost a month ago today, I was in my client’s office YellowPages Group. I was delivering on a module that would allow the integration of “conversation” as a means of communication in their apps. They called it the Tinder module; I call it Converse.

I was such a mess, so reacting, afraid to deliver, afraid to get judged, afraid I couldn’t deliver, afraid of being afraid. Such a scary moment. With my therapist I’d been working hard on exposing the wounds, to the point where they were just too much. The wounds are many.

The particular ones that were being exposed that day were related to creating something new, and once it is out in the world, I get destroyed. I was reacting to many many many lives where I created, and got destroyed.

The great thing about creative energy is that when you let it flow through you, you gain incredible clarity about the world. Your senses are augmented many times over, vision becomes clear as glacier water. and I like that.

When I create, I have clarity in vision. For example a few years ago I added the sharing functionality to TasteFilter, where you could drag any item to one of the edges to share it with a friend. It is super simple to use and very intuitive and there isn’t anything like that out there (yet); maybe never. The next day, as I drove to the office to go to work, I could see in my third eye a perfect representation of the few blocks around the office and all free parking spots were highlighted. I drove to one of them, it was free and I parked. It felt magical. So simple! So absolutely awesome.

THAT CLARITY. I really like it. I want to spend my entire life inside of this state.

But in past lives, when I created things that were out of this world, on the many planets where I was, the same scenario happened over and over again. I was destroyed by the powers in place who wanted to own, to get hold of, to understand, to dissect, to dislodge, to dismantle and to absorb the creative force. Little did they know that this creative force is in everybody’s soul. That you can’t grasp it, hold it, control it. You can only let it flow. It is beautiful. Completely beautiful.

And so when I was at YellowPages, I was afraid of being destroyed. Stupid eh? Well it was absolutely overwhelming. I couldn’t think clearly, hold my breath, i was panicking. Such a mess.

It lasted 2-3 days.

M

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