This isn’t yet universally accounted for, but sexuality is the most powerful force in any living body. The urge associated with it is quite strong, and the stronger it is, the harder to control. A lot of people just want to abandon themselves into the moment, and become more or less unconscious during the act. That works, sort of. It isn’t super exciting however when you are with someone who is more sensitive than you are. And it is like trying to draw a beautiful picture with mittens on; or ski gloves. Not the best situation.
One thing you can try, and you can try this gradually; and picture it as if you are in fact taking the ski gloves off… is stopping while still ‘connected’ physically. This is known in tantra as some kind of exercise. I am not fond of technical sexual exercises in tantra to be honest so I don’t know what it’s called. Too many people use them to become better lovers. I am interested in the development of consciousness not the star rating on a future lover’s exchange website (wouldn’t that be cool tho?).
So, what to do? Well, slow down, then stop. Ideally sitting, both of you; facing each other, while still in your partner and STAY THERE. You’ll feel the urge to thrust, just watch it. Watch the urge and stay there. And keep breathing, ideally you can synchronize your breathing. It’s not obligatory; but it might let you feel more connected.
As you sit there, feel your partner’s penis, or your partner’s vagina. Let them throb. no movement, no in and out. Just feel. Let the energy rise; because normally the energy you would use to trust and excite your genitals; the same energy in a full stop will move upwards towards the heart. Why? Because sex is a form of love energy, and if it can’t be consumed at the genitals, or sensually, it will naturally lift to it’s next level of evolution. (yes energy evolves too).
I realized the other day that for most people this can be a hard exercise. It is, in fact, like a fast-forward meditation. Because of holding on to the strongest energy form in the human body you will gain ‘meditation levels’ a lot faster this way than you would sitting in a monastery anywhere in the world. Or under any master, or doctrine. You are effectively channeling the strongest energy in your body towards your heart; there is no more potent form of meditation. Anywhere. Ever.
Just accept it, feel the energy rise, the man needs to keep his erection obviously. Feel your genitals throb. You can kiss, touch each other, do whatever you want. Sitting still you will raise your consciousness faster, but you can still be affectionnate there is nothing wrong with that.
It can be hard. To do. Practice, you will get better at it. And you will reach levels of intimacy with your partner way beyond what you thought possible.