it’s been years since i touched a paintbrush; an artist’s paintbrush that is. I recently painted the house I rent in Golden, BC a nice bright yellow and while trying out colors I decided to paint shapes on the walls. They were nice shapes, big yin/yan shaped teardrops, a hot hair baloon whose basket was a hand reaching down, nice butt shapes too. It was an extraordinary experience to paint on such a big canvas; so liberating. I was completely submerged in the experience, I cried for a while, thought of the many girls i’ve been with; the ones I loved most (KARINE!!) and those that hurt me most. Or did I hurt myself using them? Hard to say really.
That night I had a dream, where I kept going down stairs, down and down and down the basement of a basement of another basement. There I found Marie-Eve waiting for me. She was my first real love and boy did I love her! My first reflex was to want to have sex with her, you know, for the old times. She didn’t want to! That was very reminescent of the old times thank you. So we walked around hand in hand and talked to people, and once in a while I’d try to make love to her and NO.
In a way it’s so weird that down so far in myself Marie-Eve is still there and she still won’t have sex with me. I’m rather impulsive on the matter and rather… always wanting. I can have sex 5-6-7 times a day.. up to twelve i’m sure. I did have sex for twelve hours in a row once; oh I was on ecstacy but still. Must have had 30 orgasms; crazy stuff.
So far down there she was, my first love with what hurt me the most, or the point that I won’t let go off of is she won’t have sex with me. Weird eh? I wonder if she’s gone now that I acknowledged that.
Now back to the painting.. so last night I painted on a 6″ x 8″ canvas; rather small compared to wall-sized canvases. But I did, and it felt great. Bright colors, abstract yet a mix of elements we can recognize, lots of opposites, fire, water, earth, greens and a soul. (I’ll post a picture when I get my camera!). Again I was completely captured, immersed in the experience. I didn’t really know where I was going; didn’t really think. What I was doing was projecting emotions on the canvas and my hand, the paintbrush and the beautiful colors were the medium.
Where it gets really interesting is how it changes me. For the last four or five years I always fall asleep in the same position: on my left side. Unless i’m with a girl or in an akward situation. But basically i cannot fall asleep in any other position. If I lay on my back I feel the energy of the universe too much, I get so high and my soul wants to leave my body. When I’m on my right side something doesn’t feel right, and when I’m on my left side, you can count to one, two, zZzZzZ.. Now last night I went to bed and i feel asleep on my right side! And I slept in that position all night, no matter how much I moved around. It’s weird eh? Painting liberates me.
I shall do more!